I'm very concious of the fact that whenever I go out with molly at the moment I seem to come back and moan a bit. It's a bit weird really.

Last night's performance was especially weird. It was nice to go there with thethirdvoice as we've not been to many molly events together and it was nice to see everyone again, but it wasn't very much fun, which seems weird.

Gogs are very much about precision and formal planning and stuff are important to ensure this (and I'd be a complete hipocrite to say otherwise because I've said this myself many times). However, they do seem to be getting more and more scarily serious about it to the point that it loses a lot of it's fun (well for me at least and that doesn't really matter as I'm not that big a member of the side anymore as I don't live in Cambridge).

The other thing that was weird is that Cambridge folkies have always been very cliquey and I was as much a culpret for this as anyone else. However, having now left I'm finding myself going back to these events and finding myself outside the clique.

I seem to have turned into a spare part. It's the natural thing to happen given I'm not practicing as regularly as the rest of the side, it's understandable and I wouldn't complain about it, but that doesn't mean I like it. As time is going on since I've left Cambridge, I'm naturally being put in the simpler dances to make up numbers rather than the more interesting ones, because obviously the people who practice regularly have more right to be in them and I'm not going to be as good without the practice. So that makes perfect sense, but it's not very much fun though...

Molly was the first dancing I did and my way of falling into folk, so I'm nostalgic about it and I feel quite sad that I'm not really a part of it anymore. However, I've been thinking a lot since last night that given I dance with other more local sides maybe it's time to hang up my molly kit and say I've had over 3 really fun years with the side maybe I'd best call it a day rather than spoil that? Then again thethirdvoice has only just started with the side really and that's probably the main reason we met and got to know each other and I know I'll be going up to Cambridge a lot to see her and that she wants me in the side with her.

Maybe it's just a matter of looking at these events as they come up and thinking about whether it would actually be useful to the side to have me there, whether I'm likely to have fun, etc before deciding whether or not to go?