Owen Barritt (hmmm_tea) wrote,
Owen Barritt

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General eeek about Diploma

I just want to go eeek now. Had a look at unit 6.

I don't know what it is about the Diploma, but I don't seem to be able to motivate myself with it. It's strange, because in general I'm fascinated by it, especially Fortified wines.

I think it's partially it just seems so much reading and it takes me so long to do it (I'm not a fast reader, never have been) and even when I've read it I find I can't remember any of it. I find I can read pages and pages without taking any of it in. It's as if I see the words, but that's it. I read one word move on to the next and forget about it without putting the sentances together.

I try making notes when I read as it helps to some extent. Well ok, it results in me having something shorter to read when I want to go over it later, I still don't seem to remember much about what I've read.

Having been told by Janet that I'm dyslexic last summer, part of me wants to just blame that, but deep down I know it can't be a problem because I've got a really good degree without even knowing about it to do anything about it.

I sometimes think it's that I don't leave myself enough time to do any Diploma work. Before being promoted I was quite often doing over 50 hour weeks at work, before adding any outside study for Diploma on top. I really don't want work to rule my life. I see people like Gareth and how they just live and breath the trust and although they're perfectly happy I know that's not me, I need more diversity to my life than that.

Then again I make evenings like tonight free to do the work and then just end up procrastinating (like I am now) instead.

Maybe I should have just gone to Morris practice instead to take my mind off things.

Maybe I'm just over analysing things again. Had a conversation with pinkmarshmallow about that at the weekend, she suggested that I just get someone to tell me to "stop it" whenever I start doing that.

In some ways I suppose I'm being very hypocritical. The number of colleagues at work, who have been paranoid about failing foundation, intermediate and advanced exams at work, that I've told it doesn't really matter to. I always tell them that even if they fail the exam they haven't lost anything so what is there to worry about.

Now hear I am doing exactly the same about my Unit 6 exam. Have been trying to tell myself the same thing. However, I know that because I've been to Cambridge and things like that people think of me as being fairly clever and so expect more from me as a result.

Oh well, maybe I am just being silly. I'll go in there and do the best I can. Lots of people fail diploma exams it's nothing unusual if I do and at the end of the day the library has taken up a lot of my attention recently and once that's out the way I may be able to think more seriously about doing it properly a second time around. Who knows, miracles could happen and I could even pass it tomorrow.

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