Owen Barritt (hmmm_tea) wrote,
Owen Barritt
hmmm_tea

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Death by TV Licence Authority

So the TV Licensing people are after me again.

For those of you, who have licensed TVs and are unaware of their supreme inability to comprehend that someone may not actually have a TV, the way it works is like this.

Firstly they send you a letter along the lines of "You don't have a TV license, you are therefore clearly an evil criminal mastermind stealing the airwaves. In fact we suspect you are probably smuggling them out of the country and selling them on the black market to fund Al-Qaida. You probably even butcher babies on the side. If you continue you will be fined for all your worldly possession and locked up for a gazillion years so you stop being such a menace to society." At the end of this as an after thought they add "If you do not watch or record television programmes as they are being shown on TV, just let us know".

So, you respond and explain you're not actually a baby butchering terrorist, but you just don't own a TV, which they promptly ignore and send you the letter again... and again... and again... and again... and again... and again... and again... and again... and again... and again... and again... and again... and again... and again... and again... and again... and again... and again... and again... and again... and again... and again... and again... and again... and again... and again... and again... and again... and again... and again... and again... and again... and again... and again... and again... and again... and again... and again... and again... and again... and again... and again... and again... and again... and again... and again... and again... and again... and again... and again... and again... and again... and again... and again... and again... and again... and again... and again... and again... and again... and again... and again... and again... and again... and again... 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Eventually, they give up, and send a letter saying "Right, you still don't have a TV licence. You've therefore left us with no choice but to send around the TV Licensing Enforcement Division to shoot you, so society doesn't have to put up with your evil airwave stealing presence anymore", which is the stage I've reached in the latest saga with them.

Last time this happened to me, I was living in a block of flats with a communal front door, which I answer to find that their way to deal with this supreme evil terrorist I'd apparently become was to send around a small man with a clipboard who just accepted my word that I didn't have a TV and left. He didn't even seem too bothered about the pile of butchered babies on the doorstep.

Inspite of that, I still think TV licences are a great concept. All those overpaid people out there who spend extra subscription fees to ensure they have constant access to every single commercialised TV station shipped in from the US, also get to pay for me to listen to ad-free radio for nothing! All we need is an exemption for all those people who aren't overly rich bankers and the system would be perfect.
Tags: bureaucracy, commerce, crime law & order, tv
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